Maybe if I write it down here it will go away.

As soon as I put the light out to sleep, I fell into a blind, short breath, panic - fear of dying (specifically drowning), claustopobia, abandonment, that warning voice that comes in the night etc.

Of course, now, with the light and laptop on again, the panic has receded, although it appears to be lurking, waiting for darkness again.

Experience tells me that, perhaps aided by some heavy dreaming, I will feel better in the morning. No, more than better, as if I have fought a battle and won.

But that brings no comfort for me now, in the wee small hours.