"If you left a message on my phone about four o'clock this afternoon, I wiped it by pressing the wrong button. It was an accident, but frankly your message sounded so convoluted and boring it didn't deserve a second play. I mean, who are you? Do you think I'm someone else? And does your voice ever hit more than that single note? I use the word 'note' loosely. To be brutal, if life is that bad to you as your monotonous whine suggests, have you thought of the alternative?

Anyway, if you choose not to top yourself, please call again."