Just not now I had a fleeting craving to get stoned - but they happen less and less. It was a sudden nostalgia to get off on a cloud - but not a very high cloud usually - repetetion had dulled the effects. And un any event the cloud led nowhere. It was an escape from real living.

It's more or less six months since I gave up smoking hash, after twenty or so years of daily use.

Am I glad I gave up? Yes, of course, and that'd not just because I mixed the stuff with tobbacco. What makes me sad id that it took me so long to break the habit. And even now I feel I left some of my life behind when I started smoking, and have yet to recover it.

What do I mean? It's hard to describe. But just now, when I had the momentary urge to get high, I wanted to escape - and what I wanted to escape from was not pain so much as a bit of ordinary happiness. To escape living in the present, in the everyday, the ordinary...

If this doesn't make sense, I'm not able to explain any better at least for the moement. All I do know is that getting stoned would make it harder to spell out what I'm on about.

If you are interested, I have written several posts tagged hashish, the oldest ones listed last of course