A long time ago.  Aged 27, I got divorced for the first and only time.  The marriage experience over and done with before aged 30.

The financial arrangments took time to agree.  Basically, I had left her in the Family Home.  She rented all the rooms off and moved out herself, making the mortgage technically invalid.  The the (ex) Family Home was broken into and vandalised, taking a third off its value.

The finanacial settlement hearing was heard in Slough (don't ask me why - I have never gone back) on 23rd December.  My former wife gave evidence.  She had doubled in size since I last saw her.  "It was not a happy marriage" she pontificated.

The judge clearly took a fancy to her.  "I'm going to give you a Christmas present, Mrs Weston" he told her.  A Christmas present with - you've guessed it - my money.

His award was based on his reading of my debts and assets, as presented by my solicitor.  After Christmas - as I had told him I would - I lost my freelance job.  And my debts included an estimate of the fees I owed my solicitor.  After Christmas, the actual bill arrived - twice the estimate he'd given to the judge.

What the hell.  Judgy had helped a fat maiden in distress.  And after Christmas, out of the blue, she won a lucrative, permanent fellowship at a Cambridge College.  And, feebly, I borrowed money to pay the solicitor in full.

A long time ago.