I'm an outsider.

They will never let me join.

Now I'm too old, but there have always been other reasons.  Perhaps my heart of heart of heats was never in it.

I felt desperate to join.  But maybe it was the desperation that mattered more than the joining.  Desperation is a from of punishment my father taught me about without realising.

It was the wrong club.  Maybe I will start my own.

It would be nice to be inside.