An easy job today, I thought - spellchecking my novel.

"Colour"? it queries.  "Color" is the correct spelling.

"Color" my arse.  Except the "correct" spelling is "ass"

My Word spellcheck, unused for a few months has defaulted to CRETINSPELL, aka U.S. English.

No panic - find preferences, find dictionaries, no languages, change to U.K. English.  OK, resume Spell check...  "Colour"? it queries.  "Color" is the correct spelling.  And it still says US English at the top.

No panic.  Repeat procedure  "U.K.English"  OK.  Now reboot Word, restart spell check.... and we are still imprisoned in the land of Bush.  Next it will be suggesting I write pants instead of trousers.  Mow the lawn in my yard.

My Microsoft Word is smugly stuck in its default mode.

I hate them, I hate them.  They can spell how they like, and write their dates backwards, but how dare they impose it on me!

Please, somebody who knows about these things, help me get back English spelling.