I am not feeling guilty at the moment.  No warning voice last night, telling me I am an arsehole and my life is about to fall apart.  Months of therapy seem to be paying off.  Dope withdrawal at last feels as if was a good idea.

Of course this may only be a temporary remission.   Guilt has been a good false friend, cousin of self-pity, who can make me feel quite comfortable.

Meanwhile my sister's guilt is almost out of control.  Her constant need to be a hero to my mother is, I really believe, bringing her to the brink of a nervous breakdown.  Any suggestion I make of easing her "burden" (eg hiring a second nurse/helper for my mum once a fortnight to cover for the weekend-off of Maria) is met almost with resentment.  My sister apparently craves the martyrdom.

The only way she can self-justify being away from my mother is (post retirement, freelance, journalist) working.  Also she fantasises that she desperately needs the money - which is bullshit.

She is off for a week's holiday on Saturday - bookended by vists to my mother of course.  I thought I was helping by not going to a family wedding and seeing my mother instead.  But no. Sis needs her sacrifice.