Dear Mr Easton   ,

Thank you for your recent communication of 22 january 2006  .

We would like you to know that your custom means a lot to us, and if you have any queries whatsoever about what we can do for you and wish to hear the same five bars of Vivaldi's Five Four Seasons over and over, dial the 0845 number listed on our website and look forward to an evening of button pressing.  Your bad language may be recorded for staff training and legal purposes.

Now piss off.

Yours sincerely

(illegible)

S. Crabs
Customer Services