@ 2008-05-20 – 09:42:44
Actually the electrician and his apprentice are both friendly and intelligent. The main man (mains man ha ha I didn't sleep much last night give me another triple espresso) is lying on the floor behind me, taking photos of inside the cavity wall where he's got to feed a cable.
Which makes me a bit self conscious about writing (make that a quadruple espresso) anything at all.
@ 2008-05-20 – 01:42:57
Stop bullying me.
(I'm talking to myself)
The seargant major yelling insults and orders. Screaming what the right thing would have been to do five minutes, five months, five decades ago. Five sentences earlier.
I hide under the sheets, a shaking child, failing with fingers in my ears to block out the hatred.
Or do the opposite of what the bully wants, however sensible - the opposite, like a teenager fumbling for a better way of living. Do it wrong, so the bully can feel righteous. Ball me out for the chaos. His anger, though, is far more chaotic.
I'm parallised by the glare of my own headlights, panicked by the threat of self inflicted violence.
Shouting does no good. The point isn't to be good; it's to be happy.
And to live each day, in the present, as it comes. Live each day getting a day older. Yes, we are all mortal - isn't it wonderful we don't have to be perfect.
That's the truth. But I'll only whisper it.
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