"I am the Archbishop of Surbiton" said the man with a funny hat in First Class. "So naturally I am under no obligation to carry a ticket."
"You're under arrest, mate", the ticket inspector announced, plesed he had at last caught a passenger cheating. He produced a pair of rusty handcuffs.
The archbishop smiled thinly, stroked the poodle on his lap and woke up. What a wonderful bedroom the Lord had given him! He called over one of Guards. "I would like some sex" the cleric announced pleasantly, "preferably with you."
"No go, Gov." The Guard was made out of chocolate and strawberry ice cream. "Apparently you failed the Advanced Theology practical."