"The best way to use a boomerang is to swallow it"
@ 2014-03-10 – 03:39:13
@ 2014-03-09 – 20:47:00
Hush! Mind you, I need to be awake for three nights and two days non-stop to catch up with myself. Then I might start to breathe deeply, slow down completely and - who knows? - learn with the swallows how to fly.
@ 2014-03-09 – 16:00:56
I'm feeling... a bit weird.
(Why does the sun shine so brightly?)
@ 2014-03-07 – 20:44:26
My mum os pu pf hos[ital and in her own home, looked sfter by Maria who has been having a short break in the Phillipines. I will probably see her over the weekend.
Suddenly, evrything seems calm.
@ 2014-03-05 – 05:45:07
I'm in a panic. Night panic, so far for about four hours.. Health panic. Pill panic. BP Panic. Doctor panic. Rash panic.
It's probably all fine.
It's just a panic panic.
@ 2014-03-04 – 11:36:10
It's not something that most of us need to say, is it? But my mother - just before she left the nursing home - was visited by an official from the social services of the local district council who asked her if I had ever struck her. Made a habit of it? Presumably he (or she) would have had to shout into her right ear to be heard.
My mother told me when I saw her on Monday, with tears in her eyes. My sister has been questioned by the social services department about me, but she has not given me a full account of what they asked.
On the other hand, they have not attempted to approach me. After all, I am not officially on trial, whatever allegations staff or management at the Nursing Home have made about me. As far as I know no one has yet alleged I hit anyone. In fact no allegations have been made directly to me at all. But it does mean that, if my mother does come out of hospital (see previous post) all the Nursing homes in Surrey are likely to have been warned about my apparently disgraceful behavour, which did not in fact take place.
On the positive side, my mother's doctor appears to believe my version of events and does not have much faith in the Home, whose name I am yet to mention.
@ 2014-03-04 – 10:00:07
My mother has been back in the local Nuffield hospital since the weekend. She is eating, although not very much, but what appears to be her main problem is a fierce and persistant cough.
My sister and I have faith in her doctor, an Asian gereontologist who has treated her (mostly through BUPA) for a number of years, but so far his treatments and radiological investigations have not yielded much progress.
Of course, aware of my mother's age - 98 - many of you will be thinking it's probably time for her to die. But that's not what I'm feeling.
@ 2014-03-01 – 20:23:27
My mother, who has spent the last few weeks in a Nursing Home in rural Surrey, has, on the advice of her doctor. been taken back to the local Nuffield Hospital. On the phone she sounds weak and shakey; there is something wrong with her digestive system that may not be possible to put right. She is five months away from her 99th birthday.
I will be seeing her tomorrow.
@ 2014-02-28 – 23:44:09
It's taking so long to buy a new flat.
I have spent half the day coming up with names for Esatae Agents.
Mansell-Pratt. Godophin, Rascal McCabe. Thin Johnson Maltby. Wingers. Flatbed Orson. The Illegal Letting Company. Flog Whistle Egerton.
Stop, stop! Jackson Stop and Staff.
(My dad was an estae agent. He has a special, over posh way of saying "House", as if the word were holy.
@ 2014-02-26 – 06:08:53
...there was a little demon
kept giving me CRAMP
in my left leg,
waking me up
about this time
@ 2014-02-23 – 21:32:32
... a book to read, a novel that stands a chance of transforming whatever remains of my life.
I want happiness, and excitement, and love, dammit.
(and reading a book can do all that???)
@ 2014-02-22 – 23:15:16
is not such a good idea.
Fear eats the soul.
Slow, deep breathing makes life worth living again.
Holly, Ivy, Daffodils.
@ 2014-02-21 – 06:29:51
On Thursday, Mr Cameron announced the government's scheme to provide grants for homeowners in England hit by the floods would begin on 1 April.
@ 2014-02-19 – 12:33:05
(This is a Holding Message)
@ 2014-02-18 – 20:01:37
I have apologised for nothing really and in return I am being allowed to see my mother in her Home again. (I'll probably go see her on Saturday)
As 3 nurses alleged I had announced I would shoot them and burn the entire country house down - "facts" reported to the Surrey police - I suppose I should be grateful that I am being given permission to set eyes on my mum at all.
Meanwhile, my mother's sister, and her daughter came down from Yorkshire to see her, and managed to persuade mum to stay on in the Home, and maybe meet some of the other residents, some of whom (the Home being local) she knows already,
Look, I could write a several thousand-word post about all this, but I'm sparing you, okay?
@ 2014-02-16 – 05:54:08
The name came to me just now as I woke up. Could he exist?
@ 2014-02-13 – 21:44:43
I really don't know what I have have done wrong, but one of the nursing staff has been telling Management that I threatened to shoot her. Er? Local police have been informed...
No, it doesn't make sense to me, either. Tomorrow I must find someone at the Home to apologise to (for something I haven't done), before it all gets out of hand.
@ 2014-02-13 – 09:31:33
That's what they told us when, after a number of train cancellations I set out on the journey from Brighton to Chichester yesterdaay morning. The trip took a little longer than uusual, but I could not see the charred remains of signally equipment on the side of the track anywhere, or scurries of men in orange boiler suites. Still, it gave the train and station annoucers something new to say well ino the evening.
@ 2014-02-09 – 21:37:52
Saw my mother in her Nursing Home again today.
She hates it.
She moans and moans.
None of us know what to do.
@ 2014-02-05 – 20:07:50
Well, "subject to contract". But, lucky capitalist piglet that I am, I'll be able to pay cash.
Lucky sod, eh?
Now all I have to do is write a Ninth symphony, Dead Souls, or Brothers Karamazov to make my life worthwhile.
Any other suggestions?
@ 2014-02-03 – 22:47:53
is to learn how to breathe.
(At the momwnt I make it so shallow - and forced and complicted.)
@ 2014-02-03 – 21:33:49
Within three deacades there will be three oblong suns, one sponsored by the Talented Mr Ripley jeans.
@ 2014-02-03 – 09:49:53
I appear to have slept well. I am feeling rather good today.
@ 2014-02-01 – 22:34:46
My last entry on this blog was a tissue of lies and may well merit capital, or at least corporal, punishment.
Long live the Queen!
@ 2014-02-01 – 22:14:21
It was only after I jumped out of the third floor window that I realised it was only in my dreams I could fly. Still, why did God invent oak trees except to break my fall? I landed on top of of a very thin seargent major, on complicated sexual manoevres with the pastry chef, who both died in the end despite extensive surgery.
What a life, eh? Later I was awarded the Distingished Service Something or Other, for services to militaty cuisine, on condition I didn't write the story up for a TV series or tell the tabloids.
@ 2014-01-30 – 02:48:45
I've never slaughted anybody my entire life, let alone hacked a neighbour into small pieces on the street. But fantasising about doing so, late at night, often helps me fall asleep again.
Can anyone recommend some different tablets?
@ 2014-01-29 – 17:50:58
I am very lucky.
@ 2014-01-28 – 21:27:39
My mother, aged 98 a half, ailing, is back in Nursing Home again, fussing, complaining - mostly about my sister not constantly sitting by her bedside, trying - though often failing - to meet mum's every need.
She is not senile. She is incredibly needy.
I am next going through to see her on Thursday, with a good friend, but low hopes that we can do any more to make her happy. My sister is on the edge of collapse. Maria, mum's carer, is about to leave for a well earned holiday in the Phillipines. And we need at least one other carer as good as her. Plus my dear sister - or maybe myself - to organise it all.
@ 2014-01-25 – 19:30:45
I am compleeely confused.
The clock has vanished fron my computer. Sunday?
It feels about 6.30 am. Getting light outside? Maybe not. My aunt phones for a chat from Leeds and implies it's about Saturday 6pm. I hide my ignorance, lol. `maybe it id NOT wime for offee (aka "It is not time for coffee?") HELP!
@ 2014-01-24 – 20:49:38
calm, peace, deep breathing